She didn't even say goodbye when she went to her barracks today, and that hurts. Part of the hurt is that she doesn't trust me to understand, and another infuriating part is the same song about how I deserve something better than her. Can't she understand that if I wanted something else, I'd be looking for it? I don't stay with her out of pity, but because I truly love her.
Do all women have so low self-esteem or only the ones I go out with?
I wish she could love herself as much as I love her. Her pain is my pain, and it hurts me to see her like that. I hope that flying will bring her some resolution, it is her lifelong dream and I hope that it will be all that she was waiting for.
I will probably move to England to work. I have no idea when, if it will be this year, the next, or further, but the fact is that the possiblity is open. I would be in the same timezone as Nicci, and only a small strip of water would separate us, instead of a whole ocean. She would only need to say the word, and I would hop to the fastest transport to Germany to be with her. But she must want that first...
I hate leaving her feeling like that, but she went to sleep and my only communication with her is the cellphone and, come tomorrow, that might be gone too, if her service is not roaming. She speaks of flying on broken wings because she cannot be what I deserve... and I wish she allowed me to call her to set her mind at ease, or that things were different and I could just shut her up with a kiss or a hug when she started speaking like that but, alas, a caveat of Internet relationships is that you can never have that option.
My hopes are hanging from her fulfiling her dream and liking it. I cannot do much else from so far away.
